ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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