i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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