I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You brought string cheese to the strip club
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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