dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
pray to the hookup gods
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
