I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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