i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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