imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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