what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
