I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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