She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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