she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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