i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
