Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
