I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
