i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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