I got chris browned last night
are you so shy because you have an std?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
