Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
