You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
