Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
