Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
