I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
