Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
