So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
