If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
