dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
