You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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