U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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