she woke up with a sticky ear
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
