I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize