Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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