I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
