How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
