Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
