A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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