apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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