Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize