she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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