evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
