So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
