Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Someone shattered a urinal.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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