my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
