he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
