Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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