white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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