Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
