Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
