I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
