yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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