When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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