I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
