direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
