u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
