I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
