Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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