I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Vodka?
Forever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
