soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
