So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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