Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
