I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
