Swine flu. Run for my life!
i wish my penis had a tongue
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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