So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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