had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize