did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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