Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
