Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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