WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he thought i was a dude.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
