I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
