i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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