Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
