Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
