So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
