Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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