when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pants are for mortals
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
