Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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