When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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