jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
