you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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