Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
