Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
