Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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