I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
