if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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