Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
