I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
