somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
