Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
